Endangered Species Dating Profile: White Abalone

I intended to start a series of this kind of post with other endangered species, but applying for grad school, turning 21, and too many bs excuses got in the way. I will reboot this eventually! Enjoy the personal details of the beautiful White Abalone below!

BASIC INFO

Speices: Haliotis sorenseni

Nickname: White abalone

Picture: When cleaned up, looks like this:

abalonee

But you probably see them like this:

Material 100% Natural White MOP shell Size Numerous small thin shells Length 17 inches Clasp Standard Clasp 35

But actually in the wild, they look like this:

white abalone in wild

Occupation: Gastropod, The Snail/Slug & Co.

Height: 5-8 inches

Weight: 1.7lbs

Age (lifespan): 35-40 years

Hometown: western coast of northern Mexico and southern California, not looking to move any time soon

INTERESTS/HOBBIES

Favorite food: algae, specifically drift macroalgae and red algae – yum!

kelp-o

Favorite show: The Last Man on EarthThis show is so relate-able, considering the density of me and my species is so low that we can barely reproduce – let alone choose who we reproduce with. Even when I’d think I’d never mate with someone even if he was the last man on Earth – let me tell you, it’s not just a phrase, it’s a reality – which brings me here.

Favorite color: shiny white – so shiny and pretty that people use my shells for jewelry.

Hobbies: deep sea diving – I’m the deepest abalone species in the world (living at 80-100ft), rock climbing (I live on rocks), reading Medieval romantic literature, and taking angsty, hipster selfies.

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

About Me (aka my baggage)

Not to sound vain or anything, but my main problem is that I am too beautiful for my own good. I clean up very well, you could say. Mexicans of the north love to just take hundreds of me out of the water, scrub off the algae growing on me, and turn me into lovely jewelry.

white abalone jewelry

This has caused populations of me and my kind to reduce by 99%. Our density used to be 1 of us per meter-squared (1/m2), now we’re down to 1 of us per hectare (1/10,000m2).

This decimation has led to another issue area for us: sex.

Sadly, Viagara and other enhancement remedies can’t fix the problem. We are broadcast spawners, meaning that we release our eggs/sperm into the water, hoping they come into contact with and fertilize a different individual’s egg/sperm – talk about PDA!

abalone spawning(Such x-rated material pictured above – abalone porn stars openly spawning)

But because we are loners and our population density is so low, eggs and sperm between different individuals rarely meet and fertilize. So no new babies of us are made, causing our population size to exponentially decrease, as we are harvested from the sea.

On top of that, we tend to get sick with various infections.

My ideal partner: I’m looking for someone who is really down-to-earth and understands me. Ya know? Someone willing to boycott abalone jewelry sales. Even better, I would love to share my life with someone apart of the White Abalone Restoration Consortium. This group is currently helping me and my buds out by regulating the fishing of abalone and increasing our numbers in the wild through captive breeding – breeding us in aquariums and then setting us free. I’m also looking for someone who’s ready to settle down, as I plan on having a family some day to repopulate my decimated bunch.

Think I’m the one for you? Email me at sexyabalone@shellyeah.com

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